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Learning to forgive: Lessons from Nelson Mandela

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We lost a great hero this week at the death of president Nelson Mandela on December 5th. He suffered in prison for 27 years for his role in trying to end apartheid in South Africa. I can only imagine how I would feel if I was unjustly arrested, and forced to spend decades behind bars. I can imagine coming out bitter, broken, and revengeful. But Nelson Mandela understood that bitterness would come at a great price. Talking about his release from prison, he said, "As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison."

It is sometimes hard to let go of the bitterness, anger, and scorn we feel for the people in our lives who have wounded us. Very often those people are close family or friends, and the wound is made more difficult when we have to regularly face those individuals. I think about one of my clients who was sexually abused as a child by a family friend. He has struggled in many areas of his life because of the abuse. He has every right to be angry. And yet, that anger has also been a cause of suffering for him.

If you are feeling that kind of consuming bitterness, you know what a prison it can be. To be free of the prison, it will require the courage to give up your right to be angry and bitter. I encourage you to do something radically different in the way you think about those who have caused you to feel bitter. I encourage you to wish them well, to pray for them, to hope for positive and real change in their lives. Little by little, you will feel the bitterness melt away in your heart.

This does not mean you have to spend time with those individuals, or have any contact with them. It is still a good idea to maintain good boundaries with people who are poisonous in your life. But, in your mind, and in your heart you can start the long walk down the path of freedom from anger and bitterness. 

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If you are struggling in your relationship, Wilson Counseling can help! Our Texas couples therapist and marriage counselors can support you as you reconnect with your partner. Take these steps to get support and learn how to make up after emotional fights.

  1. Give us a call today to set up a free consultation.

  2. Schedule your first appointment for couples therapy.

  3. Get your relationship back on track.

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In addition to Couples Counseling & Marriage Counseling, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals we offer Trauma Therapy, PTSD Treatment, EMDR Therapy, and Counseling, School and College Counseling, and Infertility Counseling. As well as LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Family Therapy, Parenting Counseling, Career Counseling, Anxiety Treatment, Eating Disorder and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.

If you’re ready to get started, please contact Wilson Counseling today. Together we can get you to a better place in your relationship.