I had a Houston client today talking about his parenting abilities. "When you break it down", he told me, "I am just trying to not f*** up my kids." I appreciate his honesty so much. I think good parents often worry about whether their choices will help or wound their children. My precious six-year-old walked into my room first thing this morning, looked straight at me and asked me if she was skinny. I faltered for a second- taken aback by her question.
As a therapist who works with people who struggle with body image and self-identity, I am very sensitive about this topic. I try not to label my children with terms like "skinny" or "chubby" or say anything that will give them a stigma about their bodies. My hope for my kids would be that they would appreciate and be thankful for the unique qualities in the bodies they have been given.
Parents play a significant role in shaping their children's body image, although they are not solely responsible. The good news is there are things we can do to help kids boost their body image. Here are some practical tips that might be helpful:
Watch Your Words
Be mindful of the language you use when talking about bodies, including your own. Avoid negative comments about weight or appearance. Instead of saying, "I need to lose weight," try saying, "I'm working on being healthier." Children often mimic the language and attitudes they observe in their parents.
Focus on Healthy Habits, Not Looks
Encourage your children to develop healthy habits rather than focusing on their appearance. Talk about the importance of eating nutritious foods, staying active, and getting enough sleep. Emphasize how these habits make them feel strong, energetic, and happy, rather than how they affect their weight or looks.
Be careful about toys
Take a look at the toys your children play with and the media they consume. Many toys and shows emphasize unrealistic body standards. Encourage play that promotes creativity, problem-solving, and physical activity. Diverse and inclusive toys can also help children see beauty in different body types and abilities.
Promote Body Positivity
Help children understand that there is no single "ideal" body shape. Celebrate diversity and teach them to appreciate their unique traits. Encourage them to compliment others on qualities unrelated to appearance, like kindness, intelligence, or creativity. This helps shift the focus from looks to personal qualities and abilities.
Limit Screen Time
Excessive screen time can expose children to unrealistic body images and stereotypes. Set limits on screen time and encourage other activities like reading, playing outside, or engaging in hobbies. When they do watch TV or use social media, watch together and discuss the content. This can help them critically evaluate the messages they see and hear.
Discourage Frequent Weighing
Encourage children to focus on how they feel rather than what the scale says. Weighing themselves too often can lead to an unhealthy preoccupation with weight. Instead, talk about the benefits of being active and eating well. Remind them that weight is just one small part of overall health.
Encourage Physical Activity
Promote physical activity and exercise in fun and engaging ways. Girls who play sports often have higher self-esteem and healthier body images. The motto "Be fit, not necessarily thin, and you will be healthy for life" is a great message to share with your children. Find activities they enjoy, whether it's dancing, biking, swimming, or team sports, and make it a regular part of your family's routine.
Your kids are listening, and they want to know that you love and accept them, whatever their body type or weight may be.
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We hope you find these resources helpful! If you are struggling with loneliness, conflict, or anxiety, speaking to a professional counselor in Houston can help.
Contact us at Wilson Counseling to find out more about our services or to schedule an appointment. You can find out more about Parenting Counseling here. You don't have to go through this alone. We are in this together.
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In addition to Parent Counseling, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals, we offer Infertility Counseling, Perinatal and Postpartum Treatment, Teen Counseling, Parenting Counseling, and Family Therapy. As well as ADHD Treatment, Autism Therapy, Eating Disorder Therapy, School and College Counseling, Trauma Therapy, PTSD Treatment, EMDR Therapy, Chronic Pain Therapy and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Career Counseling, and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
The advice in this blog is not a substitute for professional counseling.