feelings of sexual attraction wax and wane over time with our partners.
As a Houston marriage therapist and couples counselor, I have seen the ups and downs couples experience. When couples first get into a relationship, it can be so fun to stay up and talk about everything under the sun. But with time, couples often give less time and attention to their partners and their stories. People get busy and start to take their partners for granted. Don’t beat yourself up over that if it describes you. Life is busy and it’s easy to get caught up in it.
Feeling close to your partner can lead to the desire to be sexually intimate.
But over time, the lack of conversation, time, and sharing can often lead to couples feeling distanced from one another. Which can translate directly into couples having less frequent and less satisfying sex. But is this inevitable? Should you just accept that your sex life is going to be lackluster or infrequent? Not necessarily.
express gratitude can help you feel close to your partner and have more satisfying sex
I have talked in previous posts about how practicing gratitude can help you be happier, sleep better, and be more content in your life. There is even evidence that it can help lower your blood pressure. Trust me on this, if you don’t have a regular practice of expressing gratitude, now is a great time to start! You can watch one of my YouTube videos about using gratitude to find your joy here.
Did you know expressing gratitude can also help your love life? It makes sense if you think about it, if you feel appreciated by and you feel appreciative towards your partner, you are more motivated to please them, to be close to them, and to receive affection from them. Gratitude motivates people to feel close to their partners. According to research, this sense of closeness is directly associated with sexual satisfaction. When you feel close to your partner, the sex is usually better. Go figure.
If you want to work on your sex life, expressing gratitude should be one of the tools in your toolbox.
The great thing about this is that it’s quick and easy to express gratitude. Think about what you like about your partner - how they look, how they dress, how they treat you, how they parent your children, how they interact with your friends, their intelligence, and their kindness…. There are so many things you can look to find something you are grateful for. Admittedly, it is tougher when you have been fighting or have not felt close in a long time. You can try thinking about what caused you to fall in love with them in the first place, or intentionally look for anything they do that is helpful or good in your opinion.
Steps for expressing gratitude to your partner
1) Keep a running list of things you are grateful for on your phone.
2) Spend at least 15 seconds thinking about each thing you put on the list to help your brain capture and feel the positive feelings that gratitude will give you
3) Express one or more of those gratitudes to your partner. Make this a regular practice you do on a daily or at least weekly basis. In the beginning, it may even help to put a reminder on your phone to tell your partner something you are grateful for until you develop the habit naturally.
It may seem kind of awkward at first if you have not expressed gratitude to your partner much in the past. You may want to start with something small. “I noticed that you took the trash out without being asked. I really appreciate that.” Or “It was really helpful that you took my car to get the oil changed. That took some of the pressure off of me. Thanks.” Or “You look really great in that top.” You are expressing gratitude to your partner, but in the process, you have taught your brain to notice the good things and not just dwell on the things you don’t like in your partner.
Try it today and let me know how this practice of expressing gratitude may change your attitude towards your partner and may help your sex life! It’s usually the simple daily things we do in our relationships that make the biggest difference.
Ready to improve your marriage and your sex life?
Are you having problems in your sex life or in your relationship? We have marriage therapists and couples counselors who can help. Together, we can help you can improve your sex life and feel more content!
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX
In addition to Couples Counseling & Marriage Counseling, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals we offer Anxiety Treatment, Eating Disorder Counseling, School and College Counseling, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Trauma Therapy, PTSD Treatment, EMDR Therapy, and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Career Counseling, Parenting Counseling,, Family Therapy, and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
Please call us at 713-565-0922 to schedule an appointment or to ask any questions you have about couples counseling or sex counseling. You can also send us a message online here.