If you have been with your partner for a while, sometimes things can get pretty routine, even boring. It’s hard to be excited about something you have done hundreds of times. If you are feeling a little bored in your relationship, our caring Houston couples therapists and marriage counselors can teach you how to put the spark back into your relationship.
The way the human brain works, it is wired to notice things that are new and often goes on autopilot for things you have done or seen repetitively.
At first, You feel like you will be in love forever
Remember when you first met your partner and you were interested in everything they did? You stayed up all night talking and felt turned on by the way they looked or how they dressed or the way they looked at you? You couldn’t stop thinking about each other. That initial attraction and lust that happens so easily in a new relationship can propel it forward. It makes you feel like you want to spend all of your time together like you would do anything for the person. It feels like they will make you happy forever.
Lust & Passion can turn into mature love
But inevitably, that fire starts to smolder and fade a bit. However, if the relationship lasts, the fire can be replaced by a more mature love that is characterized by commitment and mutual care for one another. The relationship is generally not as hot, but it also is less likely to burn out. It is capable of standing the test of time.
This kind of mature love and commitment has the potential to last a lifetime - though the feelings of attraction, lust, or heat can come and go throughout the life of the relationship.
If you miss the excitement you had in your relationship when it was new, don’t despair. There are things you can do to rekindle the spark even in a long-term marriage.
3 Steps to Rekindle the Spark in Your Relationship
Do new activities with your partner.
When you first started dating, everything was new. This newness can create excitement and arousal. To rekindle that newness, try making a list of activities that you have not done before with your partner, and ask them to do the same thing. These activities can be anything from going to a new restaurant to doing physical activities (skating, snowboarding, skydiving), to taking a cooking class together.
I recommend keeping a couple’s bucket list, as well. If you have this in a Google doc or shared place, either one of you. can access it or add to it anytime you come across something new that sounds interesting to you. Here is a post about action packed dates for couples in Houston to have more fun. For those of you with kids or mobility issues, it may be hard to get out of the house, but there are plenty of ideas for fun stay at home date ideas for Houston couples.
Fun activities to do with your partner:
Couples massage
Sing karaoke together
Spend two minutes sitting face to face staring into each other’s eyes without talking
Have a tech-free day together
Spend all day and night in bed
Stargaze
Write each other a love letter
Cook dinner together
Volunteer together
Go to a concert together
Watch the sunrise and sunset in one day
Surprise your partner.
Your relationship is probably suffering from being predictable. There is something really comforting about knowing what to expect from your partner, but it can be a passion killer. Adding surprises back adds passion and enhances the sense of attraction and fire in your relationship. When you first start dating someone, everything is a surprise. Learning about where they grew up, what they love to eat, what turns them on—it’s all a surprise, and that feels exciting. The intimacy of knowing one another builds love but extinguishes the fire, so it’s important to change things up and add surprise.
surprise activities to do with your partner:
Roleplaying
New lingerie
Flirty emojis
Sext each other
Buy and use new sex toys
Have a photographer take boudoir photos
Mess around in new or unexpected locations
Go to your partner’s work and take them to lunch
Make a playlist of songs that remind you of your relationship
Start a new tradition together
Have other couples over for a board game night, murder mystery game, or wine tasting
Place rose petals all over your bed
Draw a bubble bath with candles for your partner (or maybe join them in the bath)
Ask each other get-to-know-you questions like these
Do things that spark arousal or energy.
When I say arousing activities, your mind probably goes to sex, but that is not really the primary gist of this statement. Sex can be great, and very arousing, but if the spark is waning in your relationship, it’s unlikely that having sex will be enough to get things back on track. Lighting the flame outside of the bedroom will pay dividends in the bedroom, however, so read on. And if you are ready to work on your sex life, here is a post about how to have a better sex life.
Arousal-producing activities would include anything that gives you a rush of adrenaline or endorphins.
If you do adrenaline-producing activities with your partner, your brain will start to associate the sense of arousal you get with your partner. It’s imperative that you do the adrenaline-producing activities with your partner and not alone for this to happen.
arousal-producing activities to do with your partner:
Exercise together
Watch a comedy or horror movie
Ride a rollercoaster
Skydive
Take a trip somewhere new
Zipline
White water rafting
Bungee jumping
Hike to the top of a mountain
Hot air balloon ride
Cliff jump while holding hands
Take a dance class together
Go dancing
Go skinny dipping
Make a plan to rekindle the romance
Good relationships take work. There are no shortcuts or secrets here. The secret is the work. If you want to rekindle the spark and fun in your relationship, try doing the three steps above over the next month and see if you notice a difference. Commit to doing the activities beyond the month, and the benefits will compound. You are worth this effort, and so is your relationship.
What would you add to this list of activities that have helped keep the spark alive in your relationship?
GET SUPPORT WITH COUPLES THERAPY IN HOUSTON, TX TODAY!
If you are struggling in your relationship, Wilson Counseling can help! Our Texas couples therapist and marriage counselors can support you as you reconnect with your partner. Take these steps to get support and learn how to make up after emotional fights.
Give us a call today to set up a free consultation.
Schedule your first appointment for couples therapy.
Get your relationship back on track.
Related Posts:
Initiating Sex: How a Loving Touch Can Mean More Than You Know
Are You Growing Apart From Your Partner By Doing This One Common Thing?
Feel Closer To Someone In Minutes Through Eye Gazing
When You Need Couples Counseling
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX
In addition to Couples Counseling & Marriage Counseling, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals we offer Trauma therapy, Eating Disorder Counseling, School and College Counseling, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Family Therapy, Parenting Counseling, Career Counseling, and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Anxiety therapy, PTSD Treatment, EMDR Therapy, and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
If you’re ready to get started, please contact Wilson Counseling today. Together we can get you to a better place in your relationship.