If you have an eating disorder, or you are in a relationship with someone who has an eating disorder, you know how complicated it can be. There are always questions about how much to share and when to share it, and there are inevitably insecurities that pop up when you think about the eating disorder. Below I have answered some common questions people have about romantic relationships and eating disorders.
Can romantic relationships be beneficial to recovery from an eating disorder?
Romantic relationships are not necessarily helpful or harmful. They have the potential to be beneficial if you are in a healthy relationship with a supportive partner. It can provide some accountability and motivation to get better. But relationships can also be stressful and people will often use the eating disorder to cope with stress. So, it can go either way. If stressors in your relationship are a trigger for your eating disorder, it is important to share that with a professional eating disorder counselor. A therapist can help you find healthier coping mechanisms to deal with your stressors. You may also want to consider doing marriage counseling and couples therapy in Houston.
What are some challenges people with an eating disorder might encounter during dating?
There is a lot of secrecy and shame that happens to people with eating disorders. It's hard to have trust and intimacy with a partner if you are hiding things from them.
Sexual intimacy issues can be complicated if you have an eating disorder. There are also a lot of body image issues that may cause you to feel uncomfortable in your body. This can be anything from not wanting to be seen naked, to being uncomfortable with sex, to overemphasizing the body and the need for affirmations of your physical body. Sexual dysfunction is sometimes an issue as well. People with EDs often mistrust their bodies and can feel very disconnected from their bodies. If you don't trust your body, you usually don't want to share it and may have trouble being in the moment when it comes to sexual intimacy.
People with EDs may be consumed by their thoughts about food and body and it may feel to partners as if they care more about that than they do about their partner. At a minimum, the partners of people with eating disorders may find that they are distracted when you talk.
At what point in the relationship would you recommend bringing up your eating disorder?
Only after you feel your partner has earned the right to hear your story and has shown they are trustworthy, would I recommend sharing about your eating disorder. This is a very personal issue and not everyone will be careful with your disclosure. Someone you go on a few dates with doesn't need to know everything about your physical and emotional health. But if you feel ready to talk, you may feel unburdened by being open and honest about your struggles. Your partner can’t support you if they don’t know what is going on. It may be a good idea to meet with a Texas marriage counselor or couples therapist to help you and your partner learn to communicate better.
What is the language you can use to explain your eating disorder to your partner?
Ask for a time to talk. You don’t want to talk when your partner is distracted or in the middle of doing something. It’s better to schedule a time when you are both able to focus on the conversation.
sample script for explaining your eating disorder to your partner.
“There is something really personal that I wanted to talk about. It may be hard for you to understand, but I would ask that you listen without judgment and let me share what is going on with me. Do you know how when some people are stressed, they will drink or smoke, go for a run, or binge-watch Netflix? Well, when I feel upset, I sometimes will binge eat food/restrict eating food/purge. It's not a very healthy way to cope, but it helps me feel in control. I wanted to be honest with you so that you know what is going on and have a chance to ask me about it. “
What are some ways you can support a partner with an eating disorder?
Listen without judgment. Try to be curious and ask questions instead of lecturing your partner. If you have questions about things you don’t understand, it may help to say something like “help me understand…,” or “tell me more about that.” Use open-ended questions and stay curious.
Ask them how you can be supportive.
Encourage them to get professional help from an eating disorder therapist and dietitian, but don't badger them which can only bring about more shame and cause distance between the two of you.
Read about EDs so you can educate yourself.
Read this post about how to support someone going through an eating disorder.
Avoid saying things like, why don't you just eat less, or why don't you eat more...if they had the power to change on their own, they would have already done it.
Generally, avoid comments about appearance. Talking about weight, body or food can be triggering. Don't say negative things about your own body. Model good food behaviors and a good self-image. Get help for yourself if you need it.
THE ADVICE IN THIS BLOG IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX
In addition to Eating Disorder Therapy, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals, we offer Anxiety Therapy, Child Therapy, Couples and Marriage Therapy, Family Therapy, School and College Counseling, Autism Therapy, Perinatal and Postpartum Treatment, and Infertility Counseling. As well as EMDR Therapy, Trauma Therapy and PTSD Treatment and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Career Counseling, and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
Contact us at Wilson Counseling to find out more about our services or to schedule an appointment. You can find out more about eating disorder treatment here. You don't have to go through this alone. We are in this together.