The holidays are just around the corner, and for many of us, that means spending time with our families. While the thought of spending time with our loved ones can be exciting, it can also be stressful, especially when it comes to family meals and gatherings. As a therapist who treats anxiety in Houston, TX, I've seen many clients who struggle with anxiety and stress when it comes to these gatherings. So, I thought I'd share my top tips for surviving family dinner with your relatives over the holidays.
Tips for surviving family dinner
1. Set boundaries -
Setting boundaries is crucial when it comes to family dinner. Before the event, think about what you are and aren't comfortable with. This could be anything from not wanting to talk about politics to not wanting to be asked about your relationship status. Communicate these boundaries with your family members beforehand so that they are aware and can respect them.
You may have to reiterate your boundaries multiple times because people will often overlook them out of habit. Be prepared for push back, but stick to what you are comfortable with. It’s your time and your life and you can choose to share it in your own way.
2. Practice self-care -
It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holidays, but don't forget to take care of yourself. This could be as simple as taking a few minutes to meditate before the dinner or bringing your favorite tea to sip on.
I also recommend deciding on a self-care routine before your visit with your family. If you need to take some time to go for a walk or be alone and read a book to recharge, give yourself permission to do that. If you are your best self, everyone will be better off. Make sure to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Taking care of yourself is healthy, not selfish.
3. Find a support system -
Having a support system can be incredibly helpful during family dinner. This could be a sibling or cousin who you can confide in or a close friend who you can call if you need to step away from the dinner for a bit. Knowing that you have someone to turn to can make a huge difference. Family can be draining and difficult even when they love you. Your regular support system can help mitigate the emotional drain you might experience and help you feel like yourself again.
4. Avoid triggers -
If certain topics or conversations tend to trigger stress or anxiety, do your best to avoid them. You can redirect the conversation to something more positive or excuse yourself from the table for a few minutes to regroup. If you have a highly critical parent who is triggering to you, you may want to read this post about how to deal with critical parents.
5. Take breaks -
It's okay to take a break from the family dinner if you need to. Go for a walk outside, take a few deep breaths, or simply step into a quiet room for a few minutes to recharge. Sometimes I prefer to play with the kids for a while since they don’t ask the nosy questions or make judgmental comments or talk about triggering political hot button issues. Find what works for you. Taking breaks will help you clear your head so you can come back and be your best self.
6. Practice gratitude -
It can be easy to focus on the negative aspects of family dinner, but try to focus on the positive. Practice gratitude by acknowledging the things you are thankful for in your life and the things that your family members do that you appreciate.
Focusing on the gratitudes trains your brain to notice good things which helps you feel more optimistic. Gratitude is the antidote to cynicism and depressive thoughts. Even the most annoying family members and the worst situations usually have kernel of something you can find to be grateful for. Your mindset can turn things around for you.
7. Have an exit plan -
If things become overwhelming, have an exit plan in place. Whether it's leaving early or having a friend call you with an emergency, having an escape plan can help ease anxiety and give you peace of mind. It’s important to do regular emotional check-ins if your family is draining or difficult. This allows you to know what you need and to take care of yourself before you become overwhelmed. Give yourself permission to take breaks or even leave if you feel flooded. Everyone needs to tap out sometimes.
Remember, you are not alone in feeling stressed or anxious during family dinner. This is a very stressful time of year. Families can be wonderful and loving and at the same time stressful and irritating. It's okay to set boundaries, practice self-care, and take breaks when needed. By implementing these tips, you can survive family dinner and even enjoy the time spent with your loved ones. Happy holidays!
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