Have you ever caught yourself saying, "Where has the year gone?" I feel this way at the end of every year. I don't know what happened to last year. A full year gone. What have I done in that time? What do I wish I had done? This can be a pretty reflective time of year--the passing of one year, and the beginning of the next.
If you can find even one quiet moment to sit and reflect on your year, what comes to mind? For some of you, it will be the mistakes and regrets that haunt your thoughts. For those mistakes, you beat yourself up emotionally. For some of my clients, this might include a small chiding: "Why did I say something so dumb?"
Or a more cruel voice:
"I don't deserve to be loved."
"My family would be better off without me."
"I will never get better."
"I am a loser."
These words are soul-crushing. If you really believe them, it becomes hard to change anything about your life. Imagine feeling you really are a loser, unworthy of love. There is not much motivation to change. It would be pointless. Even if your self-criticisms are less harsh, they will still hamper your ability to make positive changes or feel good about your life.
We all make mistakes. Sometimes, we make big mistakes. That is part of being human, and it is okay. But we are not defined by our mistakes (unless we fixate on them and continually define ourselves this way). My recommendation when you feel bad about the poor choice you have made is to pick yourself up and then make the next best choice. In other words, if you make one bad choice, focus on your next choice, and make it a good one. It is very difficult to change the past, but you can have a lot of control over your present and future choices.
So, today, resolve to make the next year one in which you won't engage in shaming self-talk, but instead grant yourself some grace. And when you make a mistake, make the next best choice.
Take a moment to recognize the positive steps you’ve taken, the challenges you’ve overcome, and the personal growth you’ve experienced. Sometimes, it’s easy to overlook these because we are so focused on what went wrong.
As you think about the coming year, consider setting intentions rather than resolutions. Intentions are more about the direction you want to move in rather than specific goals. For instance, instead of resolving to lose a certain amount of weight, you might set an intention to cultivate a healthier lifestyle or to be kinder to yourself. This approach can be more forgiving and flexible, allowing room for the inevitable ups and downs of life.
Remember, it's not just about avoiding negative self-talk but also about actively practicing self-compassion. When that inner critic starts to pipe up, counter it with a kinder, more supportive voice. Remind yourself of your worth and the love and respect you deserve, simply for being who you are.
Life is a journey with many twists and turns, and it's okay to stumble along the way. What matters most is how you pick yourself up and continue forward. Each day is a new opportunity to make choices that align with your values and bring you closer to the life you want to live.
As we step into this new year, let's do so with a mindset of grace and self-compassion. Let’s commit to speaking kindly to ourselves, acknowledging our humanity, and making choices that reflect our best selves. Here’s to a year of growth, self-love, and positive change.
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