Self-harm can be an unhealthy way of coping. When you are in emotional pain, sometimes making yourself feel pain on the outside can feel like a catharsis. This post helps you find healthier alternatives when you are upset. If you are struggling, one of our Houston Anxiety counselors can help. Call today at 713-565-0922.
Grounding Technique to Deal with Anxiety
I don’t have to tell you how stressful life can be. It’s hard to keep the anxiety at bay sometimes. Living with regular anxiety can make you feel disconnected from the here and now. You may find your mind wandering or having trouble controlling racing thoughts. All of this stress can also take a toll on you physically. One of those tools for dealing with anxiety is a grounding technique. Our Houston Anxiety therapy can help you feel calmer. Call today at 713-565-0922.
How to feel better quick
You can contain difficult feelings until you are ready to work on them.
We all deal with a lot of negative feelings we’d rather get rid of - stress & anxiety, fear, anger, irritation, etc. What if I told you there was a way you could contain upsetting feelings till you are ready to work through them? In this container exercise, I walk you through the steps for noticing distress in your body and containing it.
Sometimes you need a break from all of the tough feelings
The idea behind this exercise is not to change the actual circumstances of your life. It won’t change how you feel forever. Ultimately, it is impossible to take out all of the stressors, trauma, and difficult circumstances life throws at you. But there are things you can do when you just don’t want to deal with problems at the moment. We all need moments of reprieve to feel safe, calm, and at peace even amid hard times. The container exercise is perfect for that. It will help you feel lighter.
Learn to gain control when you’re overwhelmed
This technique is often used in trauma therapy. It involves doing a visualization where you notice where you are storing hard feelings in your body and then imagine putting your distressing feelings away in a container that is safe and secure but away from you. That way, you can still come back to the feelings and work through them when the time is right, but you don’t feel flooded by distressing feelings when the time isn’t right. It gives you a little bit more control — something I think we all crave.
I recorded a video to walk you through the steps of using a container to feel better. I hope it’s useful to you!
We hope you find these resources helpful! If you are struggling with loneliness, conflict, or anxiety, speaking to a professional counselor in Houston can help.
Contact us at Wilson Counseling to find out more about our services or to schedule an appointment. You can find out more about Edmr counseling here. You don't have to go through this alone. We are in this together.
The advice in this blog is not a substitute for professional counseling.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX
In addition to Anxiety Treatment, Family Therapy, and Parenting Counseling, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals we offer Eating Disorder Counseling, School and College Counseling, Autism Therapy, Perinatal and Postpartum Treatment, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling, Trauma Therapy, PTSD Treatment, EMDR Therapy, and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Career Counseling and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
If you’re ready to get started, please contact Wilson Counseling today. Reach out for compassionate support today.
Self-care and Race
Caring for yourself in a racially charged world
Last year our country witnessed a murder that could compare to ancient roman battles in its brutality. Watching a grown black man being murdered (with a police officer’s knee on his neck) beg for breath while crying out to his mother was gut-wrenching. The murder of George Floyd sparked numerous movements in the continued fight for racial equality in America. It was a wake-up call for so many people.
After a hard year of fighting in the courts, a verdict on the murder case was revealed. Thankfully, there was accountability in this one case, but keeping up with the trial was full of emotional labor and anxiety-provoking for some. For others, it might have even triggered some symptoms of depression, hopelessness, or trauma from their own experiences with racism or assault.
With all the stress that comes with living in a racially charged world, it’s important that you are taking the necessary time for self-care. But how do we do that with all of the guilt that comes from taking time to rest and enjoy life? It may take some practice, but being able to separate yourself from the consistent trauma of racism - whether it’s racism you experience personally or even that we experience vicariously through the media.
In the midst of this exposure to repeated racial violence, how do I destress and take care of myself.
Take time away from the media
This is a hard one for most. Social media and media alike have become incredible tools for many who care about social justice - making them go-to hubs for information and staying up-to-date. So, it makes sense that taking a break from the latest news would cause some anxiety and even feelings of guilt for some.
However, taking a break from the news and social media can give you space to ground yourself and debrief what you have seen or heard. Family or friends who can help you process the violence and injustice. Think of yourself as a car or truck; tough, reliable, durable, but without gas, incapable of movement.
Recharging ourselves after engaging with heavy topics is necessary to avoid burnout.
Curate your social media
It is my personal belief that everyone deserves a space that feels 100% authentic to them. In the past, it was much more difficult for people to find a community that supports them. Now, however, with social media at our fingertips, we are much more able to choose what we would like to see and which communities we want to seek comfort from.
The news may be overwhelming on one of your social media accounts, but creating another account dedicated solely to things that bring you out of that stressed headspace and into your happy place, can give you much-needed mental rest during these stressful times.
Make time for meaningful discussions
In these uncertain times, it can feel like everyone is either on one side or the other, but fortunately, our world isn’t only black-and-white. We can post, retweet, share, and follow, at the speed of light, so it is easy to think that you know what “side” friends or family are on by what they might share on social media. Sometimes this can close our minds to even the possibility of having a discussion with others and make us feel alienated. Taking some time to have these discussions with the ones you love will give you better insight into their lives, and can even open your mind to new ways of thinking and feeling. It helps to know we often have more in common than what separates us.
Pace yourself
Although technology now allows us to have a phone, computer, camera, and mp3 player all in the palm of our hands, it is not your responsibility to stay up-to-date with everything all of the time. Scheduling time to engage with social media throughout your week can keep you present-minded while still engaging in meaningful change and staying up to date. When you limit your online time, you are creating healthy boundaries for yourself so that you are able to make meaningful changes towards the kind of world you want to see and live in.
It is important for people to work towards their values, but sometimes we also need a break. Balance is key to keeping up your momentum and stamina. If you have experienced your own racial discrimination, racial trauma, or even secondary racial trauma from viewing racial violence, you may find yourself needing help to cope. We have therapists who can meet with you and help you start to feel better.
The advice in this blog is not a substitute for professional counseling.
Guest blog post by Michelle Harrell.
Contact Wilson Counseling to schedule a free 15-minute phone intake to see who is a good fit for you.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX
In addition to Anxiety Treatment, Family Therapy, and Parenting Counseling, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals we offer Eating Disorder Counseling, School and College Counseling, Autism Therapy, Perinatal and Postpartum Treatment, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling, Trauma Therapy, PTSD Treatment, EMDR Therapy, and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Career Counseling and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
If you’re ready to get started, please contact Wilson Counseling today. Reach out for compassionate support today.
How to stop nightmares
The terror people experience in nightmares often seem real to them. Especially for very vivid, disturbing nightmares, it can feel to your body and mind as if you are actually going through the nightmare scenario. Even when you do wake up, the sense of disturbance, fear, and anxiety can linger. It’s a terrible feeling to feel that out of control and terrorized at a time when you are basically helpless, during your sleep.
Learn to feel more grounded and less anxious in just a few minutes
Grounding is a coping skill that helps you stay more in the present moment. It is really helpful for decreasing anxiety, panic, PTSD, and feelings of disconnection, or flashbacks.
When people are highly anxious or feel numbed out, spaced out, or like you are in a dream state, becoming mindful through a grounding technique will help. It can help you be more in the here and now so you feel safe, comforted and calm. Give this technique a try and let us know how you like it.
If you have been struggling with anxiety and need to talk to a counselor and begin the process of healing, please contact us at Wilson Counseling. We have Texas-based therapists who can meet with you virtually or in person.
The advice in this blog is not a substitute for professional counseling.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX
In addition to EMDR and Trauma Therapy, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals we offer Anxiety Therapy, Eating Disorder Counseling, School and College Counseling, Autism Therapy, Perinatal and Postpartum Treatment, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling, Parenting Counseling, Family Therapy, PTSD Treatment and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Career Counseling and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
If you’re ready to get started, please contact Wilson Counseling today. Reach out for compassionate support today.
Related Content:
We hope you find these resources helpful! If you are struggling with loneliness, conflict, or anxiety, speaking to a professional counselor in Houston can help.
I died that day - An account of sexual abuse
Andrew was just 11 years old when it happened. His mom had to work nights, so him and his twin brother Jack were being watched by a close family friend, Florence. She was kind of an Aunt figure to the boys. She woke the boys sometime in the dark of night, and said one horrifying word he can not forget, "Fuck." She forced him and then his brother to repeatedly perform cunnilingus and then have intercourse with her. Each time saying "again, and again, and again."
Andrew remembers her musty smell, the chill in the air and the glow from the moon in the hall. He remembers desperately hoping that someone would hear them through the opening in the door and rescue them, but a rescuer never showed.
Trauma can work in strange ways. There are some parts of the traumatic event that can imprint in your brain as clear as if you are watching them on TV right in front of you. Other memories get buried and can be hard to access.
Keeping the secret of abuse
After Andrew and his twin brother were molested by Florence, they never mentioned a word to anyone. Andrew was scared and ashamed. He felt as if he had done something wrong to make this happen. Him and his brother never spoke of it to each other, either. It became a secret he held onto closely and shaped how he felt about himself. To this day, he has never told his mom what happened that night, and he can't bear for her to know because it will be painful for her to hear.
Sex was always a dirty thing
As a teenager, Andrew became hyper sexual. He was a fit, handsome boy and a star athlete, and it was never hard to find sexual partners. Later in adulthood, he lost all interest in sex. He never felt he was good enough in bed. And it was difficult for him to become aroused if his partner was not dominating him. Sex was always a dirty thing to Andrew after his own abuse.
"I am a failure"
There are things from that night that Andrew can never forget. The image of Florence making him go down on her and then fuck her saying repeatedly, "again and again" is burned into his brain. His young mind read those words as a kind of condemnation of him. As if she was saying, you're not good enough, so you better do it again and again until you get it right. He felt like a failure. And he has felt like a failure ever since.
"I feel like I died that night"
When we worked on the abuse in therapy, Andrew talked about the sense of hopelessness, anger and confusion he still feels now as a middle aged man when he thinks of his abuse. He says, "I feel like I died that day, 31 years ago."
As a human being, and as a parent, it breaks my heart to hear these stories. As a therapist, I am grateful there are tools that can help people like Andrew start to heal from his trauma. Healing from sexual abuse takes work. Andrew was not freed from the burden of his abuse overnight, but he committed himself to healing. It has been wonderful to see him start to be able to recover his life.
I am a survivor
One of the tools I used with Andrew is a type of psychotherapy often used with trauma victims called EMDR. EMDR can help people heal by removing blocks that prevent emotional healing. Through therapy, Andrew went from saying "I feel like I died that night" to "I am living," "My words are the words of a survivalist," "I am not to blame," and "I'm free."
We are in the era of the #MeToo movement. It is a time when people are sometimes more open about the abuse they have experienced. There is an expression in the addiction world, "You are only as sick as your secrets." With secrets comes the idea that you or your actions are shameful and should be hidden from everyone. But it can be freeing to open up about our secrets.
We believe you
I worry that the downside of all of the revelations of abuse is that it is also triggering for survivors. I worry too about the backlash against victims who speak up. It can be a secondary trauma to be abused and then when you dare to speak up after years of living with the trauma, to be questioned, ridiculed, shamed, or harassed.
To all the victims of abuse who are reading this, please know that we hear you, we believe you, and that there is hope for healing. If you are a victim, please consider contacting a therapist and maybe telling a trusted friend.
The advice in this blog is not a substitute for professional counseling.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX
In addition to EMDR and Trauma Therapy, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals we offer Anxiety Therapy, Eating Disorder Counseling, School and College Counseling, Autism Therapy, Perinatal and Postpartum Treatment, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling, Parenting Counseling, Family Therapy, PTSD Treatment and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Career Counseling and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
Contact us at Wilson Counseling to find out more about our services or to schedule an appointment. You can find out more about EMDR/Trauma Therapy here. You don't have to go through this alone. We are in this together.
Related Content:
We hope you find these resources helpful! If you are struggling with loneliness, conflict, or anxiety, speaking to a professional counselor in Houston can help.
When you pass through the waters: Reflections on Hurricane Harvey a year later.
It is hard to believe it has been almost a year since Hurricane Harvey rolled through our beloved city and dropped 50 inches of rain, flooding entire swaths of Houston. Even a year later, I still feel shocked when I see the dramatic photographs of freeways and homes and cars submerged, of what looks like all of Houston under water. I feel sad when I see the pictures of homes gutted and belongings tossed in large piles on the sidewalk.
I still remember the feeling of dread when my husband woke me at 5am on August 27th, 2017, looked me in the eyes and said, "the water is coming in." I remember walking on our wet wood floors to wake up my daughters, scrambling to try to move things off the ground and then all of us sitting on our sofa as the waters rose and wondering "What are we going to do now?" I remember moving to higher ground at a neighbor's second story home, and then, when it became clear the rain would not stop, being evacuated from the second story of that home by boat to the Kroger grocery store.
I remember the sense of disbelief when I saw the helicopters, men in uniform, and my neighbors with only the clothes on their backs waiting to be rescued. I remember sitting in the back of a National Guard truck, cold from the pelting rains and weary from the day, packed in tight with strangers we had never seen before and would never see again, and realizing that, just like that, your life can change. I remember the force of the flood waters in front of the convention center blowing the manhole covers ten feet into the air, almost as if they were guarding the space to keep us out. I remember the sense of relief at arriving at the Red Cross shelter and knowing we were safe, and that soon, we would be dry. I remember every vivid detail as if it happened yesterday.
I hear people talk about how Houston is "getting over it" and "moving on." Those terms always make me uncomfortable because I know that so many people have not moved on. I can still walk around my neighborhood on the weekends and it feels like a ghost town. On the weekdays, it is busy with construction trucks and laborers demolishing and building and renovating. Some people are just now getting money from insurance or cobbling together enough to start to fix their homes.
When we go through traumatic things, the memories can be stored in our bodies, locked away.
That, of course, is just the physical rebuilding. There is an emotional toll that a natural disaster takes on you, too. Emotional healing is much more difficult to achieve than the rebuilding of the physical structures we occupy. When we go through traumatic things, the memories can be stored in our bodies, locked away. We can't just wish them away with our strength and grit and positive outlook. It takes active work to start to heal.
If you have been through a natural disaster like Harvey, you might be experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). You can read more about the signs and symptoms of PTSD here.
I remember sitting in a training session at a hotel meeting room off the Katy Freeway when the rain started pouring down. Ironically, it was a training on how to treat trauma with a therapy called EMDR. I remember feeling a sense of panic and wondering if I would be able to get home. My mind was racing with the thought of what I needed to do if the building started to flood. I felt the sense of fear and couldn't stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. I realized my reaction was based on my own trauma from flooding.
That quiet voice inside can tell you that you are not safe, not in control of your life.
I resolved to do my own emotional work to deal with it. I was able to effectively work through the trauma with the help of an EMDR therapist. I recognized that especially when there was a heavy rain, my internal dialogue would tell me that I was not safe and couldn't control my life. A pretty logical conclusion given the fact that everything in my life was running along smoothly and then, overnight, we lost our home, our possessions, and our community. And there was nothing I could have done to change that.
But through the work, I also came to some realizations. During an EMDR session, the lyrics of a song based on the Christian Scriptures in Isiah 43:2 came to me. The words are:
"When you pass through the waters I will be with you And the Waves will not consume you Do not fear, for I have redeemed you I have called you by name You are mine"
I love the water metaphor. When you pass through the waters (which you inevitably will), I (God) will be with you. And I realized that that is enough. It is enough for me to have the sense of peace that comes with knowing I am not alone when hard things happen.
You are stronger than you think.
It's true that I don't have ultimate control over my life. Nobody really does. But I realized that the night our home flooded, I did have control over the things that mattered. I made sure we had somewhere to go and that we were making decisions to stay safe. And I realized that I am stronger than I sometimes think I am or feel that I am. Most of the people I know who flooded have had to fight to get their lives back in order. They had to deal with insurance companies and FEMA and tough decisions about remodeling or rebuilding or moving away from neighborhoods they loved and risk losing their communities. And they may have struggled and faltered and cried their way through it sometimes, but they keep fighting.
It is enough for me to have the sense of peace that comes with knowing I am not alone when hard things happen.
People say everything happens for a reason. I have grown to hate that expression in some ways because it feels dismissive of people's pain and suffering. And ultimately, we don't really know if everything happens for a reason. I do, however, understand the need to make sense of hard things, to redeem them. I think that is a part of how we were created.
As a person of faith, I believe my life is about loving God and loving people. It is a simple command, yet impossible to fully live it out. But it is not about loving perfectly; it is just about showing up and being there for people. Anyone who has experienced deep pain or depression has probably asked themselves, "Is life worth it?" "Do I want to keep on going?" "What is the point of my life?" For me, I always come back to the same thing. I am on this Earth to accomplish the good works that are set out for me. And I feel that my life has meaning when I do so. I feel that my struggle has meaning when I do those good works. There is some relief in knowing there can be purpose that comes out of the pain.
People who have suffered have the deepest wells of compassion.
In my experience, people who have suffered have the deepest wells of compassion. I believe it is very difficult to be a compassionate person without having gone through your own suffering. Now, when I hear stories on the news of fires or floods or tornadoes or tsunamis, I think about the individual behind every story. I think about their possessions being burned to ash. I think about the fear and terror they may have felt when the fires came. I think about the sense of loss and the tears and the shock. I think about the strength it takes to rebuild. I measure the emotional and human cost behind the headline.
I hope that my experience of flooding has made me a more compassionate person. I can find a sense of redemption in that. I can find a sense of redemption in the idea that I can be more empathetic, patient, and more compassionate because of my experiences in Hurricane Harvey. There is hope in that. Especially for someone like me, a professional therapist, whose job it is to guide people through their journey of healing. Empathy is pretty much a prerequisite.
But even though things are redeemed, it does not mean there won't still be sadness and anger and tears.
But even though things are redeemed, it does not mean there won't still be sadness and anger and tears. I want everyone reading this to hear that. It is okay to be sad a year later. It is okay if the tears well up when the barrage of news stories come about the anniversary of Hurricane Harvey. And it is okay to change the channel if that helps you.
Sometimes love and healing comes in the most unexpected ways. It comes in the form of my daughter snuggling up next to me, or an unexpected call from a friend right when I need it, or sharing a joke with someone that makes me laugh with my whole body, or the joy of watching a blue jay chirping right outside my window, or a rainbow crowning the 610 freeway after the summer rain and a hard day at work. Subtle things. If you're not looking, you may miss the chance to commune with this kind of love. Expressing gratitude for these simple things can be a wonderful antidote to the melancholy.
"To love is to want and to want is to want to be here. "
I recommend you keep a gratitude log and add 5 new things every day that you are thankful for. Gratitude helps you notice and really experience what you love. Scott Erickson said "To love is to want and to want is to want to be here. " When you list out the things you love in your life it helps you recognize the good things that already exist. The things worth fighting for. It can help you feel both grateful and grounded in the here and now. It can help you connect with joy.
This blog is not intended to substitute for professional counseling.
OTHER THERAPY SERVICES WE OFFER IN HOUSTON, TX
In addition to EMDR and Trauma Therapy, we have other mental health services that we offer at our Houston, TX counseling office. Our services are available for adults, children, and teens. For individuals we offer Anxiety Therapy, Eating Disorder Counseling, School and College Counseling, Autism Therapy, Perinatal and Postpartum Treatment, and Infertility Counseling. As well as Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling, Parenting Counseling, Family Therapy, PTSD Treatment and LGBTQ+ Counseling. Our caring therapists also offer Career Counseling and LPC Supervision. All of these services are also available through Online Counseling throughout Texas.
Contact us at Wilson Counseling to find out more about our services or to schedule an appointment. You can find out more about EMDR/Trauma Therapy here. You don't have to go through this alone. We are in this together.
Related posts:
Using Gratitude To Find Your Joy - Youtube Video
I have done two other posts on Harvey which you can find here and here.
Why your past trauma is affecting you in the present and how to heal